Nico the Hutt
by Fumiko6318
Summary: Nico the Hutt x Jedi Maki Star Wars NicoMaki AU. Maki is a Jedi. Nico is some hutt on Tatooine. Based on a recent playthrough of Knights of the Old Republic. fyi jizz is a real genre of music in Star Wars.
In the Hutt hierarchy Nico was pretty low. While other Hutts were running interplanetary crime and business empires, Nico was stuck on the barely civilized desert world of Tatooine, making her meager living fixing swoop races. She wasn't even all that into swoop racing. It was loud and kicked up too much sand. She would much rather be managing a jizz band or a dancing troupe, or even better, performing in one. Of course that was impossible. She was a Hutt, a giant slug, attractive to basically no species besides her own. Even though she had trained herself to speak Basic, her guttural voice was unmistakable as that of a Hutt. It would have been depressing were it not for the fact that Hutts didn't exactly think like humans. Instead, she felt a Hutt emotion often poetically described as "the process by which a chemilizard's entrails are dissolved by acid rain in the swamps of Nal Hutta."

Nico's life changed one sunny day on Anchorhead City, Tatooine. Well, every day was sunny so it was just like any other day. On that day she was crawling along on the sand, minding her own business, when she glanced upon an improbable scene. Three Dark Jedi battling against three less-dark Jedi. A small crowd had gathered a good distance away, watching the clash of lightsabers and Force pyrotechnics. Dangerous as a battle between Jedi was, it was more interesting than anything else in Anchorhead. One of the less-dark Jedi, a red-haired human female, was hanging back, firing her bowcaster as her companions battled with lightsabers. It should have been harder to deflect bowcaster bolts than blaster shots, but the Dark Jedi still somehow managed. The red-haired woman wore the robes of a Jedi, but was she really one, some of the spectators questioned? As if answering the question she fired a blast of lightning from her hands at a distracted Dark Jedi, who screamed as he fell. Soon the other two Dark Jedi were cut down or shot.

"Move along, citizens," the red-haired Jedi said. The crowds dispersed, save Nico. She approached the Jedi who were now picking up their opponents' lightsabers and credits.

"Couldn't you have fought somewhere other than right in front of my swoop garage? Now I'll have to clean the bodies!" Nico glared at the Jedi.

"No, we couldn't have," said another Jedi, a golden-haired woman. "We were ambushed."

"Alright, let's get out of here," the red-haired Jedi said.

"Hey, pay me for the cleanup fee! Dead bodies don't move themselves!" Nico shouted after them. As they walked away, Nico kept shouting. "One hundred credits! I'll have my bounty hunters after you!"

They thought they were whispering, but Nico could still hear them. "Why don't we pay him? We shouldn't make enemies here," the golden-haired Jedi said.

"I don't think this Hutt is a threat," the red-haired Jedi replied. "Also, I think the Hutt is a 'she'."

Nico called the cleanup droids over and retreated back to her swoop den. She burped, which might have been the equivalent of sighing for a human. She was tired, an emotion that all sentients shared.

* * *

Nico did not expect the Jedi trio to show up at her swoop den the next day. The red-haired Jedi must have been their leader. Behind her stood the golden-haired Jedi, looking nervous, and a Cathar in red Jedi robes, looking oddly satisfied with herself.

"Well, welcome back. Since I'm so gracious I decided to waive your cleanup fee. Now, tell me your names, and what are you doing here?"

"Call me Maki Nishikino. And these are my friends Eli Shan and Rin." The red-haired Jedi pointed to her companions while glaring at Nico. The others seemed content to let her do the talking.

"And I'm Nico the Hutt. I run the swoop track. And since you don't look like a swoop racer you should-"

"Well, I'll have you know I won the season opener on Taris!" Maki folded her arms, looking haughtier than any Jedi Nico had ever seen.

"Oh, shut up, you schutta."

"What did you just call me?" Maki's eyes widened as she reached for her bowcaster.

"Please, Maki, there is no need for violence!" The golden-haired Jedi named Eli rushed to put her hand on Maki's wrist.

"Sorry," Maki said, "I can't stand that insult."

Nico just smirked. "So will you swoop or not?"

"I'll swoop."

The other two Jedi hung back nervously as they watched Maki ride her swoop bike. Her time was good, passing the amateur level, but not beyond that.

"Hah! And you say you won the Taris season opener!"

"I couldn't ride properly because I was angry with what you said, Hutt." Maki's anger had dissipated a little, but she still only looked at Nico with sideways glares.

Nico stifled a gaping laugh. "Maybe you should try your hand at being a jizz-wailer."

"I'll have you know I've wailed jizz with the best of the Biths since-"

"Schutta."

"What-"

"Calm! You are a Jedi! Anger only leads to the Dark Side!"

The Cathar was laughing to herself.

"Look, Hutt, I'll show you jizz like you've never heard before! Rin! Go get my jizz-box!"

The Cathar made a strange hand gesture and ran out, still laughing. Eli clutched at Maki's robes, rubbing her arms to calm her down. Maki paced about the swoop den, not paying any attention to the stares of the other racers. Nico was about to laugh at these strange and awkward Jedi.

Soon the Cathar returned, carrying the instrument. Maki, now a bit calmer, took it out and started to play. It was an old tune, a classic Corellian melody overlaid with a veneer of jizz improvisation. The effect was strange, almost ethereal. It was like nothing Nico had heard before. Maki closed her eyes and swayed her body to the tune of the music. Nico was swaying along too, as much as a Hutt could. The ending of the piece came exactly at the point where it should have.

"I did this arrangement after Taris was destroyed. It doesn't mean a thing in the face of all the lives lost, but, well, this is all I could do. That and stopping the Sith."

Instead of crying as a human would have done, Nico the Hutt gargled. Maki seemed to understand this aspect of Hutt emotionality even as her companions looked at each other with confused glances. She walked over to the Hutt and patted her head.

"What are you doing, human?"

"Hey, sorry about getting angry." Maki's voice had become gentle, as if the music had an effect on her. "But next time I swoop I'll make sure to beat the record."

"Yeah, whatever. Hey, do you think we could start a jizz band? You're not bad at this but if I were managing you-"

Maki shook her head. "Sorry, but I'm on a mission. Maybe after this is all done." She gave a sad smile to Nico, and walked out with her companions behind her.

Nico's emotions could best be described as "lightning fizzling out into an ether lake after a solar storm."


End file.
